...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
