fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
