We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize