just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
