Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
