"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
