then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
