Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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