mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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