it wasn't lemon gatorade
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As shirtless as possible
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
