our cab driver is having phone sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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