you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
