A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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