He is such a slut. More and more my type.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
