I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
