just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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