i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
