Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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