i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it because I queefed?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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