its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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