He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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