god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
