Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
