there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
