when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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