Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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