hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
