at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
