My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
