I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
