I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
