We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
