Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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