I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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