you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
