lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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