I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
