i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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