he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize