I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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