If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i love accidental penises.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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