Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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