Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize