I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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