It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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