Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
