There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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