You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
