There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
