I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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