I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
