she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
