hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
