i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
