Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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