i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
