please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
