i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize