Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
