so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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