Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
