dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
