Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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