i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
