why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
