Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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