I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
