So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize